Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in *ans' LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
12:12 am	the space between happy & sad the nothingness... not a single up nor down days that never end nights that end with nothing the boredom... what's the point? when is my reward due? how much longer will it last? when will i stop wishing it was all over? *charlie 21.11.02 (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 8th, 2005
6:35 pm	i got accepted to EMORY!!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
11:07 pm	oh, boy... things i know about myself...weaknesses i'm willing to admit: 1. i get pms - this means i am prone, but not limited to: emotional outbursts, unjustified crying, poor self esteem, irrational thoughts and conclusions 2. i have self-esteem issues - once again, what girl in our society doesn't? i just had a revelation about a month and a half ago that my self-esteem makes me feel like i'm never good enough in school, in my family, with my friends, appearance-wise. this means that sometimes i'm really annoying and need reassurance over and over 3. i get bogged down with the details - i should be able to roll with something more easily, and i am learning this and improving 4. sometimes i freak out - this often has to do with school, the future, thinking people don't like me 5. i am really busy - but at the same time i'm not. i need to work on my time management skills. make time for things important to me such as my friends, and make time for myself things i know about myself...and i'm not being stuck up: 1. my feelings aren't always logical, but that's okay - "your feelings are your reality. neither you nor the other person is inherently right or wrong." 2. i am hot - i'm no supermodel, but i look pretty good and i am healthy. this is hard to say, because it sounds so conceited, but this year i am working on feeling positively about myself. bring it. plus, i truly believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 3. standing/speaking up for myself does not make me a bitch - this is more of a goal. i want to be more assertive and confident. 4. i deserved to be loved and shown love at all times, even when i'm being difficult - by family, friends, boyfriend. i believe am worth the trouble and the times that aren't fun. my good outweighs my bad. 5. it is okay to want to be wanted, to want to be loved, to want affection, to ask for things - it does not make me a weaker person (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
11:03 am	OMG...i forgot how to post an entry it's been so long... i don't even know what to say. haha! happy (belated) birthday, mr. jonathan toler! Current Mood: hungry (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 14th, 2003
4:56 pm	back in livejournal land... in athens, attempting to study for finals...hence why i'm updating my livejournal right now. ultimate betrayal?: http://www.xanga.com/ansleynicole Current Mood: tired (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 7th, 2003
7:51 pm	guess what?!? I'M IN VIENNA!!! so many things are crazy here...like how the letters are switched around on the keyboard, how it SNOWED today! the buildings are incredible! the veggie food is very interesting, the transit is really awesome. and it's cool that not EVERYONE hates americans. i'm in an internet cafe right now. i bought 30 minutes of time for 2.70 euros. i just checked my e-mail and now my time is almost up. i miss all of you at home. i have some great stories to tell. like how this girl drank too much, hit someone#s infant, and got sick on the plane just as we were about to land in frankfurt! eeewww. shout out to my lj friends. miss you brasher, shiryl, jess, kali, james, char, jonathan, and everyone else! CHUS!! Current Mood: awake (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 24th, 2003
9:38 pm	can't get enough sp lyrics... time is never time at all you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth and our lives are forever changed we will never be the same the more you change the less you feel Current Mood: restless (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
10:19 am	bday code...read on, sucka! so i was driving on 85 this morning and saw a range rover and thought, whoa...that would be perfect next to a 350z. throw in a mocha kid or two. that's what i'm talking about. start your own biz, but always remember the importance of a firm handshake. need an arabic example? by the way, you still have a headdress, authentic, mind you. HELEN KELLER COULD HAVE MADE A BETTER CALL. jordan's fan club...year round. sushi (veggie style). holy bible, assault rifle, thou shalt not kill unless they make you feel like they superior...and more where that came from. i got an eye on your no.1 enemy. this is the end of bday code. but congrats on being legal, be safe, have fun, and know that you are the shizzit. and don't forget that trick lu da kids! Current Mood: quixotic (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 17th, 2003
10:02 pm	just chillin' i know, i know...it's been forever and a freaking day since i updated last. so long i don't even know where to start. there's been a lot of drama happening, serious this-is-for-real stuff, but at the same time, i think that people are learning and growing. i know i have. katie and i went to athens on thursday. we ate at the grit...it's my favorite place in athens. really artsy, all veggie and not too expensive. i can already tell that i will be spending many nights there in the future. the athens trip was a bit overwhelming just because i was despirately trying to learn my way around and soak in as much info as i could since i will be living there starting in june. now is time for a happy birthday (almost) shout out to mr. jonathan toler! and a happy belated to wes! thanks guys (zach, too...and all the other alpharetta bloods) for letting me swing by the par-tay on saturday. it was good to see you all. by the way, i wish i could piss on the grave of the person responsible for starting valentine's day. "and who are you to decide which one of us winds up broken for a lifetime and no, you'll never be satified until one of us falls apart I've had enough of this And these are the faces" --orgy Current Mood: blah (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
11:01 am	i'm a stranger to livejournal land... soooo...it's been a while. skool's been really crazy. i've been sick. i've been meeting new people. and preparing for the future (i applied to the summer program at uga). another thing... i am most impressed with this author named susan minot...she writes short stories, poems, and novels. i need to find some of her work at a library so i can check it out! there aren't many of her works online. but here's an awesome poem... There's a man I've thought of many hours . . . and 3 a.m. tonight he sleeps somewhere and though I no longer hope to keep him near or to kiss his grave face or drink his sigh I don't mind thinking of his closed eyes or of his mouth parted and how my own once rested there full-hearted Current Mood: uncomfortable (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 12th, 2003
10:08 pm	ALMOST OBSESSIONS (things i'm really into lately): radiohead meeting random people baths wyclef jean poetry the grit in athens (100% veggie friendly, i ate there friday night and it was amazing!) ========================================break=========================================== YES, I AM TALKING OUT OF MY ASS (random thoughts): i found a fortune in the bottom of my bag from a fortune cookie i got at a chinese restaurant a while ago. it says being aware of your fears will improve your life. so i got to thinking about what i'm afraid of. sometimes things i'm most fearful of are not even worth worrying about cause they are so far off in the future and out of my control. there's that saying along the lines of "people are most afraid of the unknown" i guess that's why the fortune says to be aware of personal fears. fear can really mess people up...i mean, yeah, it helps you have some common sense but a lot of the time, if you become too concerned with it, it can hold you back from a lot of important things like dreams, relationships, career goals, and other stuff. and i don't want to be held back in life, especially because of myself. ========================================break========================================== CLOSING ARGUMENTS (lyrics): it's always best when the light is off, it's always better on the outside *radiohead now peter piper picked a pepper, that was his downfall i'm down with dre 3000 cause he got my back, ya'll *outkast truth, covered in security...i can't let you smother me...i'd like to, but it couldn't work...trading off and taking turns...don't regret a thing *nirvana Current Mood: crazy (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 7th, 2003
10:53 pm	i'm all about wyclef right now!!!!! what, say what, say what anything can happen it's all about survival man what, what, say what, say what anything can happen and for the ladies if you proud, shake what yo mamma gave you whether you're fat or slim shake what yo mamma gave you Current Mood: giddy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 6th, 2003
2:12 am	i am sitting at *jess-e's house-ahhhh... hello all! it's been a while for the whole updating thing. it has been mostly poetry lately. wow tonight was one crazy night. i got ready and dressed up in my slut gear because my girls and i decided to go to cowboys (yes, i know this is really "high skool", but sometimes you've just got to embrace ...plus, with the right mind set ALMOST anything can be fun). so *jess-e *kali *lis and i met up with *ashley and *micah at the said establishment. we chilled until the god awful country band was finished with their deal and went to town on the dance floor when the ghetto tunes started. it was packed...we had fun being jackasses. there was lots of drama with everyone's boyfriends / ex-boyfriends. everyone seemed pissed for their own reason. it's times like these that i realize that it's okay to be single. besides, they say the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down (name that song). i talked to john and he asked me to hang out tomorrow. i said yeah, but now that i'm thinking about it, i realize that i don't really want to. it seems like he has a hard time being just friends with girls. there's always some game he's playing or booty he's wanting. it's a disturbingly cliche scene that i don't want to be in. maybe he was just drunk and hopefully will forget that we have plans. plus, i've done a pretty damn good job of remembering *why* we didn't work out and working hard to clean up the emotional litter that surrounded me...i wouldn't want to backtrack, ya know? bleh bleh bleh. i feel like such a girl right now. speaking of girls, *jess-e *kali *lis and *ash are ALL sleeping. i'm getting more and more bored with each line of this entry. 'night folks! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ if it was vice verse, i'd be an angel cause i'm a devil, a down south georgia rebel Current Mood: crazy (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 31st, 2002
9:40 am	quote from bowling for columbine... michael moore: if you were to talk directly to the kids of columbine or the people of that community, what would you say to them if they were here right now? marilyn manson: i wouldn't say a single word to them, i would listen to what they have to say. and that's what no one did. Current Mood: crazy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 29th, 2002
10:33 pm	babble... i know that i am in a state of growing, changing when i can't find enough time or paper to write down all the things i have to say >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i've been having a lot of fun hanging out with my friends in the a-t-l lately. i've gotten to see people that i don't usually get to. i really miss my peeps that are outta town though. kali, patrick, jonathan -- you besta call me when you get back! <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< down for whateva: damn, I'm such a G it's pathetic now pimpin ain't easy but it's necessary... i'll put the pedal to the flo-uh in my two-tone Ford Explo-uh Current Mood: bored (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 27th, 2002
11:25 am	movie... last night i went with a friend to see bowling for columbine . i hadn't really heard much about the movie, other than jimmy from the morning x saying that he liked it. and when i was online trying to find a movie to go see, it got 2 out of 5 stars. it was probably the best movie i've seen all year. i don't think i can describe it very well, other than it's a documentary by michael moore, so this is the synopsis... "Bowling for Columbine" is an alternately humourous and horrifying film about the United States. It is a film about the state of the Union, about the violent soul of America. Why do 11,000 people die in America each year at the hands of gun violence? The talking heads yelling from every TV camera blame everything from Satan to video games. But are we that much different from many other countries? What sets us apart? How have we become both the master and victim of such enormous amounts of violence? This is not a film about gun control. It is a film about the fearful heart and soul of the United States, and the 280 million Americans lucky enough to have the right to a constitutionally protected Uzi. the only place this movie is playing is the tara united artist off chesire bridge road in the a-t-l, but it is well worth the drive and six bucks...if you don't have plans one night, call up a friend and go see this movie! http://www.bowlingforcolumbine.com/media/trailer/index.php Current Mood: cheerful (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 18th, 2002
8:03 pm	one and one half hours left... i got my friend this book for christmas. it's really cheesy, but i know she'll appreciate it--we're on the same wave length about things of this nature. the book has lots of pictures and funny things, but the text is below...i think it was originally one of those chain e-mails...bleh. every woman should HAVE... ...one old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. ...enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own even if you never want to - or need to. ...something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you - in an hour. ...a purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. ...a youth you’re content to move beyond. ...a past juicy enough that you are looking forward to retelling it in your old age. ...the realization that you are going to have an old age and some money set aside to help fund it. ...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. ...one friend who always makes you laugh - and one who lets you cry. ...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. ...8 matching plates, wineglasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored. ...a resume that is not even the slightest bit padded. ...a feeling of control over your destiny. ...a skin care regime, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better. ...a solid start on: a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that DO get better. every woman should KNOW... ...how to fall in love without losing yourself. ...how you feel about having kids. ...how to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. ...when to try harder - and when to walk away. ...how to kiss a man in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. ...how to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you’ll get it. ...how to have a good time at a party you’d never choose to attend. ...that you can’t change the width of your hips, the length of you calves, or the nature of you parents. ...that your childhood may not have been perfect - but it’s over. ...what you would and wouldn’t do for love - or money. ...how to live alone, even if you don’t want to. ...who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. ...where to go, be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods, when your soul need soothing. ...what you can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, a year. ...why they say life begins RIGHT NOW… $#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+$#!+ nothing here to fear i'm just sitting around being foolish when there is work to be done out past the fountain, a left by the station i start the day in the usual way then think, well why not and stop for a coffee then begin to recall things that you say no one's at the door you suggest a ghost, perhaps a phantom, i agree with this in part something is with us, i can't put my finger on thumbalina size 10, on a wednesday --tori amos "wednesday" Current Mood: lazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 17th, 2002
8:04 pm	so a girl walks into a bar and says... just kidding...i have no freaking idea what the subject has to do with anything. tonight has been crazyashell to say the least! today was pretty random as well...i took an exam, did some christmas shopping, ate lunch in tucker with patty cake and kali-brie, saw jess-e for a few. then tonight... i had a much needed talk with my ex-boyfriend, ben. it was good to talk to him, especially since i was really blunt and direct with my feelings and how i felt about the way he's choosing to deal with things. he said a lot of things that i agreed to disagree about. like how he thinks some of the friends i have now won't be there for me a couple of years down the road. i explained to him that while the friends i have now and i may not be as tight as we are now, who's to say we still won't be friendly (and no, kali, not the previous definition of friendly..ahhahah) years in the future? being the cynical bitch that i sometimes am, i told him that no one knows who will *actually* be there for us down the cobblestone road of life until the fat lady sings (that makes little sense, but you get the point). the only people who are (almost) guarenteed to not turn on me, in my life, are my family. we are all human and betrayal is in human nature sometimes. god, that sounds depressing. another interesting thing ben said is that i "thrive on drama." whateva, whateva... then i called my friend cause we were supposed to meet up for dinner...and she told me that she got in a wreck. she was definitely on something. god, that pisses me off. a big "fuck you" to people who like to pop pills or get drunk and drive around. so i walked across the street, told her parents that she got in a fender bender and we went to go make sure she was okay. she was so fucked up, all her words were slurred together adn she didn't even know who was in the car with her. she said some car hit her, but REALLY, she made a left turn straight into another car. she never admited that she was messed up. nothing seems to help this girl, and all the freedom at college probably isn't the best thing for her either, since she doesn't have much self-discipline. she's been in hospitals, had counseling, blah, blah, blah. i guess she's not ready to get her life in order, and you just can't force things like that. she's lucky no one was injured in the wreck. wow, this was a really unhappy post. things will be more cheery next time, i'm sure. goodnight eveyone and oh yeah, i got accepted to uga! happy sleeping and/or studying! ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? disarm you with a smile and cut you like you want me to cut that little child inside of me is such a part of you Current Mood: cynical (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 14th, 2002
10:07 pm	my attitude right now is... whateva, whateva! Current Mood: frustrated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 12th, 2002
4:55 pm	watch out, it's a long and rambling one... today was weird. at least for me and the people i came in contact with. during the morning everything went better than expected...i got all my shit done, and mr. slaughter was out, so we had a sub during 7th period, who wasn't power-trippy and didn't care if we were listening or not (since it wasn't *her* sorry attempt at writing a book), so i got a little extra studying and sleeping time. by the middle of the day, some people's smiles started to fade, everyone seemed stressed, and lost sight of the *important* things. it sucks when people feel like they don't belong, or that you don't care about them. it's like no matter what you say, they are not going to believe that they are important to you. and everyone feels like that at one point or another...it's a part of being a teenager and a part of life. growing pains. sometimes we have to KNOW that others love us, even though we may not FEEL like they do. in life, there are situations and circumstances that prevent us from having what we want or feeling like we want to feel (your family might have to move, you might not get the "perfect" job, you might not find the person of your dreams right when you think you are ready to find him or her, and the list goes on and on). that's when you say, "life sucks, i don't feel like i think i should be feeling, but i know this is just one day in this big, huge life of mine." feeling like crap is not a free card to poop on whomever you want...even if you think they deserve being crapped on. and i know that i am just as guilty of not being rational and considerate all the time, but it's one of the many things i'm working on... i really wanted to give blood today...i know how serious blood shortages are. sometimes i shudder to think what would have happened to some of my family/friends when they were injured if there weren't donors. so, i went to give blood at noon, but i couldn't...i didn't even think about the fact that you can't give blood if you've gotten a tattoo in the last year (there were also some other weird things which would prevent someone from being a donor that did NOT apply to me, such as--if you've had sex with a man who's had sex with a man since 1977 -or- if you've spent more than 3 months in a european country). i worked the desk with *shiryl and *deep and signed people in who could give blood for a little while. so i guess i indirectly contributed to the cause, but next october, i mosdef. have a date with red cross. hmmm...i met another person (through aim) that is planning on going to uncc in the fall. it's nice to kind of know a couple of people before you leave for some strange place...i am excited about what the future holds. i found out today that my spanish/study hall "crush" has a woman, and that they haven't been dating long...he's really nice and i think it would be cool to be friends. wow, this is a really long entry. i hope everyone has a good day...ALL of you! :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: "and the mouths of babes sing revolution and the mouths of babes scream disillusion you can't break what's already broken cause from the mouths of babes comes nothing" --smashing pumpkins :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Current Mood: mellow (9 Comments |Comment on this)